Ranting on & on about nothing.

So, I'm here sitting in my sort of empty room. My rooms empty because I'm planning on painting it tonight or tomorrow, whenever my dad's ready. For some reason, I feel as empty as this room. There's something missing from my life, like a missing element and I can't put my finger on it. Tell me, have you ever wanted something SO bad, and you knew you could have it, but there's something stopping you. There's something telling you not to do it. I'm feeling like that, and I'm feeling that's the reason I feel empty. I don't know what way to turn with my life, I don't know how to live anymore, I don't know how to make right decisions, because I don't know if the decision I'm making is actually right. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck inside a glass, looking out @ the world in a whole different perspective, I want to know everything in one word, Why shit happens the way it does and why life throws so many obstacles at you. Nothing is just given to you, everything has to be so difficult and it's merely more than I can stand. Last night I was going through quotes to sum up the way I'm feeling, and none could define my feelings to the tooth, the only one that really stood out to me was a quote from the notebook. "You can't live your life for other people; You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love." That's the part of my life I have most trouble with, because I care about other peoples feelings more than I do my own. Almost as if I live for someone else, you know? I just want to make myself happy, Sounds so selfish, but sometimes, being selfish is OK. The only person I want to make happy, other than myself is Lauren, and we both aren't too sure what we want, and we have a while to figure that out. I'm jumping from subject to subject, It's hard to keep up with myself sometimes, and sometimes I don't know what the fck I'm even talking about, I don't know why I waste my time writing about bullshit, and I don't know why I waste my time thinking about this bullshit. You know what's so ironic? How empty I feel yet I have everything I want & need. It's not a sense of being selfish, as if I'm asking for more than I already have, It's more of a sense of my strive to set my priorities straight. I need to get everything in order, and focus on my main priorities above all.

Normally I'd save this blog as a draft, because I feel it's completely senseless to post but I've decided ALL the blogs I write are going to be posted, rather than staying in my drafts folder. I have about 20 drafts, and maybe other people reading them would be beneficial to not only I, but to them.

Xo; Susana.