Ranting on ...

Hey it's Susana. I'm really excited because I finally got my belly pierced & my cartilage. I originally wanted my industrial bar, but my mom is really firm on her no's and that's one no she stuck with. I love needles, and when getting my cartilage done, I loved it. When it came down to my belly, I hated it. Everyone says that the belly doesn't hurt, but you first you feel the needle going in, the you feel the ring going in, than you feel the needle coming out. Clearly it's a painful experience, but it's all worth it. When I turn 18 I'm going for my industrial bar on my right ear, and my lip, and It's something I'm REALLY looking forward to, or maybe it's just a phase. So Christmas time is coming, and it really is the most wonderful time of the year. I'm not saying this because of gifts and all that nonsense. I'm saying it because this is the only time of the year when just about EVERYONE is happy. Personally, seeing people happy really makes me happy no matter what mood I'm in. I feel as if everything is just peaceful and together, Like, the only perfect time of the year. As for gifts, I never have enough money to get people exactly what I want to get them, but I think I'd spoil everyone I love. I wish I could make people as happy as they make me when they give me something. I usually buy people little things, but really meaningful things. I'm extremely close to my sister Cynthia, and for Christmas, I was just worried about her gift, and how happy I wanted to make her, and show her appreciation for all the things she has bought for me. She's so picky, and it was so tough, everything I saw, I wasn't sure if she'd like. I ended up going and getting her a beautiful photo album and a bunch of scrap booking things. I printed out a bunch of pictures of us from when we were little, so how we've grown to be. I decorated it beautifully, and the first page is a poem to her. She absolutely loved it, and said it was the best gift she's ever gotten, and that alone, made me the happiest girl. Enough about Christmas, my second favorite holiday is most definitely New Years Eve. I LOVELOVELOVE new years, a lot. Just the vibe it throws off is so fun. I feel like I've been rejuvenated when the New Year comes, and I feel pure and brand new. It's my chance to start all over, fresh start, you know? My mom usually makes me go to confession, but honestly, it does nothing for me. I don't feel like I've been forgiven for these sins I've done, I just feel like I've done the sins and I've learned from them. I'm not an atheist, but when It comes to the whole bible stories, I'm not a big believer. I can't explain it, but I'm just not convinced. I'm not convinced about the heaven & hell story, I'm not convinced about anything. I don't even question it either, None of it makes sense to me. But in a way I'm forced to believe in it, because I have nothing else to believe in, you know? I couldn't tell you I had much faith in things either. You must be thinking something horrible must have happened to this girl that she doesn't hate faith, but no. I just think more than any human being does. And I can't come up with any explanations for anything, and this is where my faith begins to fade. When horrible things happen to me, my faith fades even more. I haven't lived an easy life, and with every struggle, my faith has faded and no longer exist. If you know me, you know I'm normally one happy girl. If I'm in a thinking mood, I'm usually to myself, If I'm in a crowd of people, I'll usually keep my ipod headphones on, so that nobody really bothers me, but really, there's no music playing. Sometimes I just need time to myself and I just get tired of giving my personality to others, if you get me? I just need thinking time, I need time to think about everything in general. When I'm ending my blog, I usually get a loss of words, so that's all for today.


Infinite X's and O's,
Susana.